


A Series of Shrelsa One-Shots

by rachajem



Category: Frozen (2013), Shrek Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Crack Relationships, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-25 08:47:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4953967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rachajem/pseuds/rachajem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shrek, Elsa, and their true love.</p>
<p>Special thanks to Emma for convincing me to write some Shrelsa fanfiction. Without her this wouldn't exist, so blame her.</p>
<p>(Originally posted to Wattpad on 3 August 2015).</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Series of Shrelsa One-Shots

"Um, excuse me, sir . . ."

 

Shrek glanced up from the leather couch he had been looking at. "Eh?"

 

Behind him stood an unfamiliar woman. She wore her thick blonde hair in a side braid and stared at Shrek with her large, stunning blue eyes.

 

The woman's eyes widened as Shrek met her gaze. She averted her eyes, instead looking at her feet. She coughed nervously, running her long, elegant fingers over her braid.

 

"I, uh, I'd hate to bother you, sir, but I. . . need your help."

 

Shrek raised an eyebrow. Usually he wouldn't bother to reply, but her odd behaviour piqued his interest. He turned to face the strange woman. "Yeah? What d'ya need, then?"

 

The woman looked up at Shrek with wide eyes. "Uh. . ." She took a small step backwards.

 

"What?"

 

She quickly looked down again. "Oh, it's fine. Nevermind," she said breathily as she made her way backwards.

 

Shrek cocked his head to the side. "What? No, really, what is it?"

 

"No, it's fine, honestly. I shouldn't have bothered you, I'm sorry." she rambled, still avoiding eye contact.

 

"C'mon now," Shrek furrowed his eyebrows. This lady was starting to test his patience.

 

The woman shot a glance over her shoulder. "Uh . . ." she stuttered, chewing on her bottom lip. "You know what, I'm just gonna go-"

 

Shrek extended his hand, grabbing her arm before she could leave. "Hey, what's with you? Just tell me what's wrong."

 

The woman slowly turned her head to face Shrek. Her pencil-thin eyebrows pressed together. "This is going to sound really stupid. . ." she mumbled, casting her eyes downward.

 

Shrek continued staring at her, silently urging her to continue.

 

". . . I need help finding my sister."

 

Shrek's laugh boomed throughout the IKEA. "Is that all? You had me worried there, lady." He finally released his vice-like grip on the woman's scrawny forearm.

 

The woman shuffled her feet against the dusty white floor. "So you're gonna help me?" she asked in disbelief.

 

"Of course I will! I don't look that mean, do I?" Shrek chuckled.

 

"Oh, no, of course not!" Her hands shot up in front of her. "No, no, I just, uh. . . I just. . ."

 

"Don't worry about it. Happens to me all the time." Shrek reassured the panicking woman. "So this sister of yours, what does she look like?"

 

"Oh, well, she has blue eyes, ginger hair which she wears in two braids, lots of freckles, she's about my height-"

 

"Okay, that's enough." Shrek interrupted her before she could begin ranting. "I'll help you find her. Where did you last see her?" he asked.

 

The lady stopped to consider the question. "I think it was over there, in the kitchen section." She turned and pointed in a vague direction toward the back of the IKEA.

 

"Alright, let start there then." Shrek walked past her, leading her to the section she had indicated to him. She obliged, trailing behind the large green ogre.

 

Shrek was hoping to find the lady's missing sister as soon as possible. He came to shop for furniture, not search for lost siblings. As they neared the kitchen section, though, it became clear to them that nobody was there.

 

"Anna? Are you here?" The lady called out to the abandoned kitchen department through cupped hand. Her calls were met with silence."Hello?" She continued, to no avail.

 

Shrek sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. This was going to be more work than he had first anticipated.

 

"Anna-"

 

"Alright, she's not here." Shrek interrupted. "Where do you think she'd go?"

 

The woman placed a slender hand on her chin in thought. "I'm not sure. She didn't seem terribly interested in anything here." Her eyebrows furrowed together as she thought.

 

Shrek buried his face in his hand. He was already beginning to rethink his decision to help this strange lady. "Well, then, why don't we move on and look for her?" he suggested. The blonde nodded in agreement.

 

The pair wandered in no particular direction throughout the superstore. They searched through every section they could think of, but they couldn't find a trace of the woman's sister. They even tried looking in the children's section a few times. She, of course, wasn't there, as they has expected. The woman occasionally called out for her sister throughout the search. None of her attempts turned out to be fruitful.

 

After checking the restroom for the sixth time, Shrek decided this method wasn't working. As his companion returned from the grimy women's room, he decided to bring this point up to her.

 

"This isn't working. We need to do something else." he said, crossing his arms.

 

The woman nodded. "Yes, you're right. . . do you have any other ideas, then?" she asked. She gazed up at Shrek with wide blue eyes.

 

Shrek was about to tell her that no, he didn't, but something over her shoulder caught his eye. A plan started to form in his mind. "Actually, I do . . ." he smirked.

 

The lady followed his gaze, curious. "What are you looking at? I don't see . . ." Her voice trailed off as she realized what he meant. Behind her she could see one of the store's intercoms.

 

Shrek strutted past her toward the intercom, picking up the phone and punching in a few numbers without hesitation. The woman's eyebrows shot up to her hairline as she rushed over to join him.

 

"Wait, sir, you don't-"

 

To her surprise, the passcode Shrek had entered was indeed correct. The sound of static could be heard over the speakers of the IKEA. She fumbled her tiny, feminine hands over the mouthpiece of the phone before he could speak into the phone. "You can't do that!" she hissed through gritted teeth. "You'll get us in trouble!"

 

Shrek waved a hand in disregard. "It's fine."

 

"No, it's not!" she insisted as she tried uselessly to tug the phone from his grasp.

 

Shrek rolled his eyes."Look, do you want to find your sister or not, lady?" he grumbled. The woman looked up at him for a moment before she finally relinquished her grasp and allowed him to take the phone from her hands.

 

"Alright. Now what was your sister's name again?" he asked, shooting a sideway glance her way.

 

"Anna . . ." the lady murmured. "Her name is Anna."

 

Shrek cleared his throat. The sound echoed through the sound system of the store. "Excuse the interruption, we're looking for Anna. Anna to the front doors, please," he said in a mocking "official" tone. The message boomed over the speakers of the IKEA.

 

Shrek hung the phone up with a click. He clapped his hand together dutifully. "That wasn't so hard, now, was it?" he smirked.

 

The lady avoided his gaze. "Let's go up to the front, then," she said, walking past him. Shrek followed suit, glad to finally get this ordeal over with.

 

As the pair approached the front of the IKEA, they discovered that Shrek's idea had worked. They saw a ginger-haired girl stood near the front door. The blonde woman rushed over to her. "Anna!"

 

The girl jumped at the sound of her name. Her older sister wrapped her in a crushing embrace with a sigh of relief. "Anna, where were you? I've been looking for you for ages, you had me so worried! I thought something terrible had happened to you!"

 

"I'm fine, really," Anna choked. "Please put me down . . ." Her sister obliged, setting her down gently.

 

"Where were you?" She repeated.

 

"Well, I was hungry, so I figured 'well, it's IKEA, so I should get some meatballs', and, uh. . ." Anna chuckled.

 

"Are you _serious_ , Anna?" her sister squeaked. "All that for some stupid meatballs? I can't believe you!"

 

"I know, I know, I'm sorry, alright? I just. . . hey, who's that guy staring at us?" Anna raised an eyebrow as she pointed at Shrek.

 

"Oh, he helped me find you. He was the one on the intercom. Which reminds me," she turned to face Shrek. "How did you know the passcode for the intercom?"

 

"I used to work here a few years ago," he admitted quietly.

 

Anna snorted. "You worked here? You gotta be kidding, right? There's no way."

 

"Nope." Shrek said.

 

The blonde woman smiled. "Well, thank you, Mr. . . oh, I never asked for your name!"

 

"Shrek-"

 

"That's a weird name," Anna giggled, earning her a glare from her older sister.

 

"Well, thank you, Shrek. And my name is Elsa," the blonde said, blushing prettily. "I don't know what I would've done without your help. Thank you. I really am grateful," she smiled.

 

"Don't worry about it," he said, scratching at the back of his hairless head.

 

"Okay, Anna, we really have to go now, come on," Elsa grabbed her sister's shoulder, leading her to the door. "Goodbye," she called back over her shoulder.

 

"Bye, Mr. Shrek !" Anna waved as the automated doors whizzed closed.

 

Shrek waved back at her, smiling, before turning back into the IKEA. Even though he had been irritated by the ordeal earlier, seeing Elsa's relief when she saw her sister had changed his thoughts.

 

Maybe that was worth it after all.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So, obviously this isn't meant to be taken seriously. You can blame this all on Emma, without her this wouldn't exist. I copied this over from Wattpad since I hardly use it anymore. I may come back to this, I may not, it depends if I want to write something serious (yes, I write serious fanfiction . . . occasionally). Feedback is much appreciated, even on crack fics like this.


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